Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Quote Jumble: Vegas Edition

(The Innaugural Edition of an as-of-yet non-recurring feature)

If you've said it once, you've said it a thousand times; nothing captures the spirit of a story like uncredited source quotes taken completely out of context. Well we here at Bigmouth agree wholeheartedly, and have chosen the occasion of a recent bachelor party in Las Vegas ( Perhaps attended by the author, perhaps not. What are you, a lawyer?) to use as a template upon which to focus that most magical of storytellers' lenses ( Whew. That was a long way to avoid a dangling participle.) Onward to the jumble!

"He said it would be weird being the only girl at dinner. I said it sounded like fun." "Dude! You're funny... we should do some illegal shit later on together." "What were you doing upstairs, extracurricular activities?" "Location?" "Is that the white Baron Davis?" "This is the first and last picture we're taking this weekend. Everybody clear on that?" "Are you in town for the construction convention?" "Bachelor parties are my specialty!" "Thanks for sniffing out the hooker for us." "No seriously. I can't be around any drugs or I could lose my job." "He's not the bachelor! He's already married!" "We stayed up all night and re-invented the wheel, at least three times." "I wasn't exactly sitting on a stack of Bibles when I met her." "A Mormon bachelorette party? Let's go steal their ginger ale." "Whoa, somebody call 911." "This techno music goes great with my irregular heartbeat." "I woke up last night and it took me two whole minutes to find my arms." "The hotel pool isn't the greatest place for a vison quest." "Jim Morrison and a naked indian should be here any minute." "How are things back in the Shire?" "Would you put your feet in my Ugg boots?" "I don't like you. You're funnier than me." "I don't think I have that in my fanny pack." "I know everything about Romania. I'll blow your mind." "It's a 15 minute loan! Fuck you guys!" "Let's make that magic happen now." "Somebody owes me $4.99." "I can sum this up in two words: Dudes and money." "Most forms of German food are phallic." "I bet her hair smells nice, too." "She was from Alaska? Did she have all her teeth?" "Oh look at my goth uniform, my life is so miserable." "I got a sack full of quarters right here. I'm gonna go down to Fremont and make it hail." "We need more dudes on this Dude Bus. Wait, we need new dudes!" "It's not Pac Man Jones, is it?" "What, I can't test out the merchandise?" "Bring me a helmet for these beers and then you can sit down." "I AM being gentle." "Marry you? I would never even date you!" "This town loves a sucker, and tonight that sucker is me." "Here comes the anxiety." "By the time we got home he'd already re-decorated the bathroom." "I've taken the day off tomorrow, for religious reasons."

Almost feel like you were there, don't ya? God bless you, quote jumble, and all who made you possible.